Did you read all about last month’s word? February was about Intention.
It’s a new month- March. Which just so happens to be my birth month!
With the beginning of the month, I’m adding a new word to live by:
COMPASSION
There has been much talk over the past few years about practicing self love or self care. So often we put the needs of other’s first! I don’t think there is anything wrong about putting other’s first; in fact my personal beliefs’ command it:
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.
Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,
not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
-Philippians 2: 3-4
We are to have compassion for those around us as well:
“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”
-Romans 12:15
I don’t think the stress that comes in our lives is from giving others compassion or from putting them before ourselves.
The stress arises when we put EVERYTHING in our lives above self care or don’t give ourselves the same compassion we show others. I’m talking about when the dishes have to be done that moment rather than spending five extra minutes in the shower or the laundry folded as our coffee grows old. The times we’ve said yes to everything our friends and family ask of us- all the events and extracurriculars. That’s the everything before ourselves in a way the cause stress or being frazzled.
Many times it’s so easy to give compassion to those we love or even strangers.
Our hearts go out to them in the midst of their struggles and trials.
Why do we not give ourselves the same compassion?
I am so hard on myself; I always have been. There is a constant drive to push myself forward, to better myself. Yet so often, despite the times I am succeeding, I fall prey to the trap of comparison. In those moments, I berate myself for perceived shortcomings. I’m so busy taking care of everything else and beating myself up over what I cannot control.
My coffee grows cold, personal relationship suffer, my health falls apart.
I do not give myself a break or take other things in my life into account.
I do not show myself compassion.
How does one fix this lack of self compassion? There isn’t a quick fix. I don’t have the answer and have only recently set the intention of giving myself compassion- taking breaks to refresh rather than pushing to the breaking point. The top three keys I have found effective are:
1: Refocus.
When I begin to say words to myself that I would NEVER say to anyone else, I intentionally pause. I then say one of the following mantras 3-5 times while breathing slowly and deeply.
“This is a moment of suffering. Everyone suffers. May I have grace for myself, and grace for others.”
“If I don’t love myself, I can’t love anyone else.”
“If I can’t say anything nice, I shouldn’t say anything at all.”
2: Give Time
We give time to everyone else. Be sure to give time to yourself as well! I have been taking 15 minutes a day to sit and drink a cup of tea. If I feel that I purely need silence, then I sit alone in quiet. If I feel I need to empty my mind, I will sit and journal. The only condition is: NO chores, NO phone and NO guilt for taking me time.
3: Be open.
No one likes to admit weakness- especially not a strong woman! Sometimes to give ourselves compassion we need a boost of external encouragement. Open up to a friend, sibling or your partner about what you are struggling with- about why self compassion is blocked in your life. It’s never bad to ask for help! You may feel that you hide what you are dealing with well- but I guarantee that those who love you can sense it. Let them in.
4: DO NOT APOLOGIZE.
This is such a struggle for me…. I apologize for everything and anything. I say I’m sorry for saying no, sorry for being late, sorry for being sick, sorry for not coping well anxiety. It’s terrible! Many times the only person I should be saying sorry to is myself!
Do NOT feel bad for taking the time to put yourself first, for making the intention of giving yourself compassion.
“If I don’t love myself, I can’t love anyone else.”
THIS IS SOOOO GOOD!!!! LOVED YOUR HONESTY AND ENCOURAGEMENT!!! I just told a friend to stop telling me she was sorry. It’s definitely a reflection of someone being too hard on themselves. KAIT, don’t ever be sorry for who God created you to be. You are beautiful and perfectly designed by GOD!!!!
XOXO,
ANGELLE
http://WWW.DASHINGDARLIN.COM
I’ve been trying to re-focus because I am way too darn hard on myself and if I don’t get everything accomplished or if I miss a workout then I get so mad at myself, but I stop and say it’s ok, make the most out of the rest of the day and get that workout in tomorrow! Positive self talk is so important!
Author
YES! I have to do this all the time! Thank you for sharing and making me feel less alone with the struggle.
Hitting home for me for sure! I’m such a people pleaser and am always showing compassion for others but have a HARD time showing myself grace .. thanks for sharing this and the reminder of self love!
-Morgan
How 2 Wear It [] http://how2wearit.com
Author
I’m such a people pleaser as well!!! Thanks so much for reading gorgeous. Hope you had a super weekend and that you got to take some time for you!
Such a great post! I also tend to say no for everything and give my time to everyone else but me. Thank you so much for this reminder!
liz
Author
Thanks for stopping by and reading! It seems like so many of us gals struggle with it….
Happy birthday month!! Love the word compassion. Such a great word of the month <3
Author
Thank you lovely!!!!
compassion is so important and i’m glad you took the time to remind us all! hope you had a lovely weekend and have a wonderful week ahead 🙂
Author
Thanks for taking the time to read! Have super week yourself babe.
This is such a wonderful post! I need to stop saying “I;m sorry” for everything too! It is one of my worst habits!
Author
Oh my gosh. I’m so bad about it!!! Awareness is the first step! Good luck this week babe!
I always promoting self love but more often than not its because I myself struggle with it! This is a great post and comes at the perfect time! Thanks so much for the tips x
Author
People always say to write what you know! Thanks for reading Natalia and I hope you have a super week!
I think that most important one is about apologizing! I’m the worst at that. I seriously say I’m sorry about everything. It’s utterly ridiculous. I’m going to be following these guidelines and being more conscious about compassion. Thanks so much for sharing!
Author
I don’t even know when or how I was conditioned to always say that….. I hear myself and it drives me crazy but I still do it…..
Love this so much! Compassion is such a great word to choose for this month 🙂
Xx,
Lauren | http://www.lifestylesbylauren.com
Author
I totally agree! Definitely one I need to be aware of.
I love reading all of these quotes! Thank you!
Author
Yay! I’m so glad. Thanks for letting me know!
What a great word for the month!
Author
I think so too! Hugs!
You are not alone sister!! I have been working on all of the above! We really need to extend ourselves grace! I could not have loved this post more!!
Author
Ruthie I don’t know how you do everything you do!!! You are so inspiring and I look up to you so much!!!!!
This post is just what l needed! It made my day reading this:) It is so true and such a great reminder!❤️
Author
I love when reminders come at just the right time! Hugs babe!
SUCH a great post, Kait! I truly loved what you said about refocusing.. couldn’t be more true. Thank you for sharing this amazing blog post.
xo, Lydia
Author
I’m so glad that you enjoyed it love!! Have a lovely week ahead.
Such a great post! Compassion is the perfect word for me this month!
Author
Girl me too! It’s such a struggle.
This is a Post that hits home for me! I was just talking last night with the hubby about how I’m struggling. It’s time I put myself first more!! I’m exhausted…
Author
YES. I’m so glad this came at the right time for you. I had such a deep talk with my hubby about the same as I planned this post. It’s so hard to give yourself the permission to step back!
Such a great post and love the bible passages!!
XOXO
Cathy
Author
Thank you! I’ve written them above my desk to remind myself daily to let go.
Kait! I just LOVED this post! Love the fact that you added bible scriptures and YES to compassion! Always!
Have a wonderful weekend, love!
xoxo, Vanessa
http://www.WhatWouldVWear.com
Author
Your praise just made my day! Thank you so much for the love Vanessa. I hope you have a marvelous weekend with your wee ones!